I’m sitting here waiting to board my first flight on a series of three taking my to Uganda. What?! Me, the girl that is terrified of everything and can hardly stand to be away from her parents much less be out of range for cell service to call them. I’m sitting here realizing I left two things that would make my trip a lot more comfortable and yet I still feel this relative peace that I know comes from the Lord. I struggled through such terrible anxiety, figured out medicine combinations to try to alleviate some of it, go to therapy, and yet I never found true calmness until I understood and developed a relationship with my Heavenly Father. Do I still have the same anxiety? Yup. My mind still wanders to the worst case scenario, the thoughts still pop into my head, but my response has changed. My response is Jesus. When I realize that god is mightier than any fear the enemy throws at me it all shifts into perspective. Now when I go to the worst case scenario it always ends the same-with placing complete trust in the will of my life with Christ.
Not going to lie, the nerves have come full force today as I realize what I’m doing. As I leave and the dreaming comes to fruition. I also think about how when I’m anxious I still have the great comforts of the modern world. But what about the sweet souls in Uganda? Non of the ease, but still the same struggles-amplified. So what if I get sick? I have an entire suitcase full of pepto bismol and pedialyte and prescriptions to make me feel better. These people don’t even have the basics of medical care!!! How silly is my worrying? And what does it say about me and my trust in God? It’s been pointed out to me that we’re never called to be safe and comfortable. Those are our fleshly human desires but God wants more for us. He wants to push us into the uncomfortable so that we can inch a little closer to his extravagant love, mercy, and redemption.
I honestly can’t believe I’m so close to this journey and am just trying to keep my eyes open to what Jesus is trying to tell me and use me to glorify him. Thank you for everyone’s sweet prayers and well wishes and of course donations!