First day in Africa! I slept beautifully only waking up twice but thankfully fell back asleep! I was hoping in the light of day I would realize I have nothing to fear but it’s still been such a horrible battle. I just want my anxiety to leave! It’s been so annoying! My stomach is still just killing me but I managed to get down a few sunflower seeds and a slice of pineapple, not much but at least something. I led devotional today my first time writing and speaking one rather and reading someone else’s.
Today we went over all of the rules, customs of Uganda, and it was definitely overwhelming. I think the most challenging for me is the lack of communication. I am so dependent on being able to talk to my family and not being able to has been the hardest road block. I’m just praying for a healed stomach and better cell service.
Another thing that’s been difficult is that I feel selfish for my anxiety in this country even though it’s not something I can control. It’s a chemical imbalance, but seeing the suffering of this nation makes me feel horrible for being worried when I truly have everything handed to me.
I keep reminding myself that I already faced my big fear on this trip-throwing up before I left for Doha. And there would be nothing for me to throw up because I can barely stomach ANYTHING. I don’t know how to explain this stomach ache beside a giant ball in my stomach and my throat having a lump in it. Then I shake and sweat and have to remember to breathe. Aka classic panic attack. I just can’t tell if I’m feeling sick because of my anxiety or truly have a little something and that’s heightening everything. I’m also not used to being around so many people. I’m 100% an introverted extrovert who is good with people but needs a lot of alone time to recharge.
Also maybe I’m just a dummy but I really didn’t think I’d get Jet Lag. I slept on every flight and wasn’t tired yesterday but now it’s 11:21 in the morning and I’ve only been up for about five hours (all of which were spent sitting lol). It’s 1:21 in the morning in Seattle and I def feel that. I skipped the big breakfast today to have some quiet time and write this and just talk to god and let my stomach settle before we head out. Also international phone plan? Still not working. I can kinda call but it’s super hard to hear and for some reason I am send texts but they apparently arrive really late and I haven’t been able to get any back.
Africa is much harder on me than anticipated (I know I’m only on day one but I had hoped from the get go I’d feel at home and calm). Everything takes forever to get to. We headed into the city to exchange current and the bus ride was spent praying I didn’t puke and seeing unbelievable life. This anxiety is just brutal. I almost stayed back at the compound and just slept and decompressed but decided against because I figured that would make my night harder. I keep trying to feel closer to God but Satan has such a hold on this anxiety that I only get relief for maybe 30 seconds to a minute.
Today was still a “chill” day, exchanging money, going to the super market and the Uganda Walmart! We have the best transportation and driver around! Henry is THE MAN!
We’re heading to the Bless A Child Foundation, Akiba house for kids with pediatric cancer! Post on that next!