Graduating college is a weird time in life. So much is changing and yet so much feels the same, a dichotomy that feels wholly uncomfortable. It’s a time where you see your friends lives and it’s so easy to compare the places they are with the place you are. God put’s different desires and dreams on our hearts, but lately i’ve been struggling with mine.
I haven’t done a post about my new job, but if you’ve been to the IJM | Gulu tab at the top of my website it explains what i’m going to be doing for the next year. This is a dream job of mine, something i’ve longed for and desired, and dreamed about being fortunate enough to get. I never really though it would happen, but I was determined to try.
I am so grateful that in two months my dream is becoming a reality. There are not enough words to adequately convey my excitement and disbelief that I got my dream job (If you don’t know what i’m talking about read this), but there is a part of me that is living in the tension of it becoming a reality. The tension of leaving the people I love, the tension of making a choice others in my life don’t understand, the tension of doing something out of the norm, the tension of changing my life.
In exactly six weeks i’ll land in Uganda after roughly three days of traveling. Time has just flown by but also been so slow. I applied early October of 2018 for the job, was accepted February of 2019, had orientation this past June, and will leave at the end of August. It feels like i’ve been waiting forever for it to start, but also like I have no time to prepare. I’m so grateful i’ve been to Uganda before, although the region i’m going to is completely different and distinct from where i’ve been before, but because i’ve been there I know how hard this transition is.
I know how exhausting it is to travel to Uganda, I know how crippling the homesickness is, I know the doubt that creeps in, the physical ailment you can and probably will get, and theres a blessing to it but also an apprehension. But you what I also know? I know the beauty of the country and people, I know the grace of the Lord, I know the joy and strength that comes from pushing through, and I know that the anxiety is the enemy attacking. I know it won’t be a year full of only sunshine and rainbows and happy easy moments. But I do know it will be a year full of purpose, true joy, and fulfillment.
Right now in the waiting, everything seems unclear, some of the things the Lord had to do to give me this dream don’t make sense to me, but I know in time the purpose will be revealed. I don’t understand the ways in which he’s making me new, or why some things need to end for others to begin and flourish. But I want all the answer and control, which has never been mine to have. I wish I could say I was all trusting and faithful in God and his plan. I want to be, but it is a continual struggle to remember truth instead of focusing on fear and what I want in the moment.
I’ve posted on here on and off for years, and sincerely to make posts much more regular as I begin life in Uganda. I know this next year is going to be special and change me in ways I can’t fathom. My simple prayer right now is that i’ll cling to truth and the gospel. That I make my relationship with Jesus my utmost priority, especially when it’s hard. Because in the end, it’s all gonna be ok.