God is so cool. Prayer is so cool. Life can be pretty darn cool.
These last few weeks i’ve felt so much closer to God and like our relationship has really grown. I am so thankful for the mentorship and guidance i’ve had this past year since joining my school’s chapter of Delight Ministries! Honestly this community has changed my life and seriously don’t think I would consider myself a Christian or active in my faith without this group.
I mentioned in a previous post that I felt this strong pull to know Jesus about a year ago and really in these last 6-7 months I have really pursued and sought after that relationship. I was feeling so in between about my faith having these desires about Jesus but not yet willing to fully give my life to him. I kept thinking “oh i’ll be a christian like this or this but not that.” Can anyone else see how wrong this line of thinking can be? I was thinking of “being christian” instead of focusing on growing my relationship with Jesus. I was thinking about how others saw me and not how I wanted to see me. I was focusing on following this set list of “rules,” for lack of a better word so that I would be a christian when really I just needed to give God my availability. I don’t know if anyone has seen the video or read the book Jesus < Religion but it honestly helps remind you that it’s not about the labels or religion but about forging that relationship with him.
I was scared to give my life over to him. First off the notion of giving your life to someone else is weird, especially someone not all people believe in. It’s one of those christian sayings that I honestly think scares people off. To be 100% truthful I was nervous that if I decided to live fully in the image of God that I would suddenly have to change my views on certain things to match what other “good” christians believed. I didn’t want to give up that control I was still clinging to.
So I continued leaning strictly on myself for my decisions while still praying to God and declaring that I was a christian. I stumbled so hard trying to keep up with my previous beliefs but wanting God so much and all of these things I previously thought were so fun I was now seeing the ramifications and all the drawbacks that they had on my life. The partying, ignoring homework, the selfish living I was doing I saw was directly affecting how I viewed myself, my self confidence, and overall happiness. When I finally realized that I was created in the image of God, and that same God loves me because of my mistakes and he sent his SON to DIE for our mistakes and sins because he knew we’re broken there is so much more freedom. In my college womens group/bible study one of the girls pointed out a sermon from pastor Judah Smith about how God can’t work with us when we’re in that in between; he can work with a non-believer and work in their heart and their life, and he can work with a believe who has given their life over to christ, but he can’t really work with someone who is half in half out.
He doesn’t want us perfect he simply wants our availability and our hearts! Happy Good Friday friends!